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To [Insert Arcade Manager's Name Here], Greetings. We are contacting you on behalf of King Arcade Games, a wholly owned subsidiary of King Enterprises incorporated. Our investigations show that your arcade in [Insert town here] has been financially successful to date, and further show that you have leased one cabinet of King Arcade Games' Candy Crush Arcade Saga for use in your facilities. As you may or may not be aware, King Enterprises has been tremendously successful with its Candy Crush line of cross-platform video games available to all users with a PC or smartphone. However, there are still a number of individuals in the modern world who, for reasons of financial distress or simple ignorance of their surroundings, possess neither a smartphone nor a PC. It is this sector of the market that King Enterprises, and its wholly owned subsidiary King Arcade Games, wishes to target with its latest foray into the gaming world: Candy Crush Arcade Saga. Given the immense success of the in-app purchase model pioneered and invented by King Enterprises for its award winning and high-grossing Candy Crush Saga series, we feel that the arcade quarter and token-based model will translate intuitively and smoothly into the existing gameplay structure of the Candy Crush line of video games.
Given the estimated $771,238 that Candy Crush Saga grosses per day on mobile phone and web-based platforms, and the low initial lease of $500,000 per year that we are offering on Candy Crush Arcade Saga machines, we expect your gross to be, potentially, as high as $250,000 per year, assuming constant maintenance of optimal gaming conditions. As you may or may not be aware, due to King Enterprises' recent copyright of the term "Candy" in commercial use, we are concerned that other products that have capitalized on the recent boom caused solely by Candy Crush Saga's entry into the gaming market, be regulated and displayed separately from any King Arcade Games equipment. To this end, assuming in advance your cooperation as part of the contract you have signed, a King Enterprises certified inspector will make regular rounds and inspect your arcade from now on to ensure that no infracting games are removing business from the star King attractions on your premises. We thank you in advance for your cooperation, and kindly remind you that any failure to abide by the inspector's regulations will constitute a unilateral breach of contract, which will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. Thank you again for your patronage, and enjoy the increased revenue that King Arcade Games will surely bring to [Insert Arcade Name Here].

Created by Andy Russell, Seana Rothman, Tim Taylor, and Sam Posner for CandyJam.
Featuring music by ahr2nd

The source is on GitHub

Published Feb 10, 2014